Its Over

Ive decided to stop blogging in the TTC/IF forum that Im currently in.

 My husband and I have decided that now is not the time to try and conceive, and the more we discuss it the more we realize that we like our lives the way they are, right now. I dont know if this is because of my bipolar issues, maybe its just a phase, but right now Im wondering if Im trying to reach a goal just for the sake of accomplishment! I know that sounds harsh, but I feel like Ive been obsessing, plotting and planning for so long that maybe Ive lost track of what Im actually working toward. 

You know, I had my best friends 7 month old over night last weekend, just one night, and while I had her I was thinking: I love her , she’s so cute, but is this what I really want?, Its so hard! Do I really want my life to change so drastically? All I could think of was– NO! And my husband was surprisingly on the same page.  We still do want to have a family, just not right now. Im not the kind of person who can handle being a mother and going to school full time! I cant even work and go to school at the same time, and mother-hood is much harder than working or going to school– I know that. Im kinda scared of motherhood, Ive been married–without children for so long I dont know if I can change! 

Anyway my new blog is all about me, same old me, no TTC. Come and visit me so I wont be lonely during this transition 🙂 

Published in: on March 9, 2008 at 4:48 pm  Comments (5)  

Out Before I Began

We were supposed to do DICI in march, but do to financial road blocks that is not going to happen 😦 Ive know for a couple of weeks that it wasn’t going to pan out, but I was still hopeful. Im getting to the point of giving up! Nothing seems to ever work out, and everything is always so up and down. Ive been doing a lot of thinking lately and Im just not sure how to proceed. Since I just started school this year and I still have a very long road ahead of me in that department, Im just not sure if its a good time to get pregnant. But then I start thinking about how old I’ll be when Im done with school, 36, and how old hubbie will be, 54, and I dont want to put it off until then because we will be to old to consider TTC at that point. Ive just never wanted to start my motherhood journey after 35, plus since hubbie is a lot older than me I have to take that into consideration. Also Ive been giving a little more though to our states foster-to-adopt program and Im starting to wonder if that would be a better avenue for us. I dont know, alot of thinking is ahead. But right now I know one thing, TTC is not in the near future. Im so depressed. Every year that passes leaves me more hopeless. 

 As far as my cycle and the luteal phase concern, I started taking large doses of B-complex and Folic acid, and that seems to be helping so far 🙂 I only started on CD9 and have already noticed a difference in the length of my cycle, Im on CD12 right now 😀 , and also it seems to really improve my mood and gives me much more energy! Needless to say that Im hooked! Thanks so much to everyone for all the advise. It really helped and made me feel so supported 😀 , Thanks again.

Happy Weekend to all



Published in: on March 1, 2008 at 7:38 pm  Comments (6)  


Ive been doing some research on Luteal phase defect, and Im starting to wonder if I have it. It started with fertility friend: I analyzed my chart and it said that my luteal phase varies more than the norm, and also could be considered too short.

Now since Ive never been pregnant or had a miscarriage due to the shorter LP its hard to know if this is a real issue without going to the doctor. Which I obviously want to avoid since I dont have any medical coverage.

So I thought I would ask all you brilliant ladies, my LP is usually 10 days but has gone up to 13 or 14 once or twice, but 99% of the time its 10 days. Is that too short?

Heres a Poll:  Whats your LP length ?


Published in: on February 23, 2008 at 9:28 am  Comments (21)  



Your eyes are like
A candle light
So warm, tender 
And glowing in the night

Your face is like a picture,
Perfect in so many ways
I’ve never seen such beauty in all my days
The way you make your hair
every morning
You’ll say, don’t touch, and 
that’s your last warning.
I like to rub my legs against 
your feet at night
I like to touch you everywhere,
that’s if I might?!
I like the way you rub your tummy
after every meal
When you put on those shades
while driving your wheel
The way you make me laugh 
when I get so mad
The tears we cry together
When days are sad
I love those special surprises
You like to hide away
The way we say our greetings
Every single day
I like it when you hold me
In your arms every night
I like the feeling I get when you’re
In my sight
I like it when you hold me back
Every time I run away
When we stare at each other
With nothing to say
I like just knowing that 
You’re always there
Just to have that feeling
That you always care
I like to wonder if our love would
Last an eternity
But what I like the most…
Is knowing you love me!

Published in: on February 20, 2008 at 10:36 am  Comments (6)  


Well it seems as though I have been tagged, Thanks Rebeccah at Chasing a child. She tagged me a couple of weeks ago and Im just now getting to it.The Rules: 

1) Link to the person that tagged you.

2) Post the rules on your blog.

3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.

4) Tag at least 3 people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.

5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

6) Let the fun begin!


 Ok here goes:

1)  I love Rachel Ashwell shabby chic. My whole master bedroom and bathroom were redone about this time last year in this beautiful style, and if my husband would let me I would probably do the whole house shabby chic 😛

2) I change my hair style every few months! My mom is a hair dresser so I often change the color, add highlights or low lights, and cut it into different styles.

3) Ive never lived anywhere outside of Washington state. I was born in Tacoma, WA and didnt even go out of the state until I was 18! When my hubbie drug me kicking and screaming to california 🙂 LOL

4) I went through 8 cats before I realized that I was a dog person! (dont worry they went to good homes :P)

5) My feet are super small. They were measured once at a size 5, but they are extra wide so I usually have to get a size 7.5 just so I can squeeze my fat sausage feet into the shoe!

6) I still suck my thumb! Yes its true! Im 27 and I have sucked my thumb for as long as I can remember. I tried to hide it from hubbie for a long time but when Im stressed out or going through an emotional time I do it unconsciously, so it was only a matter of time before he found out!  I know its weird, but Ive let it go. Dont make fun of me 🙂 


Ok well now that you know all about me

I will tag: noswimmersFitnesschick,  Finally It Could BE.

Have fun ladies and I look forward to reading all about you 🙂


Published in: on February 19, 2008 at 7:51 pm  Comments (2)  

Your Comments Wanted

Im writing a persuasive essay on why insurance company’s should cover infertility diagnosis and treatments. 

 If you could write to your insurance company and give them one reason why they should cover your treatments, What would it be?

Also if you could educate others on how infertility has affected your life what would you say?

Thanks for your comments 😀 

Published in: on February 17, 2008 at 9:12 pm  Comments (8)  

Life As a Student

This week has been long and difficult! Ive been so busy with school that I haven’t had time to blog, or even look at other peoples blogs. So unlike me! Usually I at least read everyones new posts, even if I dont have time or energy to comment. So when I found myself at the end of the school week with no idea how my blog buddies were doing, I was slightly sad and lonely…. Well no I can say that Im updated on everyone’s week, so heres what I did this week.

 Like I said earlier, school was very busy this week. I had two papers in my writing class due (One of which I didnt start until this week!), Two exams in my geology class, and one exam in my math class! Now for those of you who have never been tortured by going to college, let me just say, 1) Your extremely Lucky, and 2) Its really hard and a lot of work!  For me going to school full time is much harder than when I worked full time. Unlike a job where you do get the luxury of clocking out, school work is never ending. After I spent 4-5 hours a day at the college campus, I have to come home and study. Sometimes Im lucky and only have to read or study for a couple of hours, and other times Im studying the entire day. Its exhausting!!  With that said… Im so unbelievably grateful that I am able to go to school full time and not have to work at the same time! I did that five years ago, It SUCKED, and I wouldn’t do it again or wish it on anyone.

For Valentines Day, we didnt do much, Just saw a movie, Jumper , and then came home. Everything is always so packed on VDay, and our wedding anniversary is on 2/20, so we never feel the need to do much.  Speaking of our anniversary, we are going to go to my favorite restaurant, They have an amazing all you can eat brunch on Sundays. Its not your typical buffet, its exquisite and gourmet, not to mention the only way to get out for under $300. It should be really fun 😀

Anywho… On another note, we will be TTC next month. Hubbie and I talked about it, and we really want to give it a shot. I have picked a donor. Im hoping and praying that he will be available when I call, please hope and pray with me . Hes the only hispanic donor they have listed! For some reason I have a really good feeling about the upcoming insemination. Ive been having a lot of dreams about pregnancy and motherhood. I dont know if they mean anything, and Im trying not to get my hopes up. I just have a gut feeling about it 😉

 Well I hope everyone is doing well and had a romantic Valentines day 😉 Happy Weekend 😀




Published in: on February 16, 2008 at 7:28 pm  Comments (7)  

Bad Blogger

Bad, bad blogger! LOL…. Ive been slacking, dont know why really. I guess I just feel like I have nothing to say, at least nothing really of interest. Ive been reading everyone else’s blogs and posting occasional comments, but I cant seem to come up with anything to write about. My life is so boring right now, not to mention that Ive been slightly depressed which leaves me drastically unmotivated. Otherwise life has been fine. I finished filing our taxes today and Im happy to say that we will be getting 2,300 back, which I hope to use for TTC. I really want to do AI this month but Im not sure that we will get our refund in time. If not then next month for sure, I just have to convince hubbie because he really wants to save the money. yuck…. I hate saving 😛 Something to look forward to 😀

 Anywho… No school tomorrow, teacher inservice day! YAY!  Nothing like a three day weekend to lift your spirits 😉 I plan on sleeping in, going to see a movie and cherishing the time I have left with hubbie.


Published in: on February 7, 2008 at 11:23 pm  Comments (10)  

The Countdown is ON

18 days until Hubbie and my 9th wedding anniversary 😀

47 days until Winter Quarter is over!

58 days until Spring Quarter starts!

Approximately 58 day until hubbie heads up to Alaska for 5 months!

72 days, give or take depending on ovulation, Until our first home AI 😛 WOO HOO

For some reason today, Im thinking about upcoming events, and putting everything in these terms makes it seem so close! 

Published in: on February 2, 2008 at 2:02 pm  Comments (7)  

???? TRACE ????

I noticed that your blog 1 Hardy Swimmer is now set as private 😦 

 Im sad, please send me an invite. Im so addicted 😀 LOL

Published in: on January 30, 2008 at 11:43 pm  Comments (7)